calliopes_pen | Knocking At The Door

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getting rid of jehovah's witnesses

Knocking At The Door

Earlier today, a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses turned up at the front door. Mom told them she didn't want anything. The woman kept talking, and barely spoke a word of English. She eventually just slammed the door in their faces--after she told them that she all ready had her own religion, thank you very much.

Also, according to Mom, a relative of hers managed to figure out a way to scare them from his house--permanently. He answered the door naked! The female Jehovah's Witness sputtered and stuttered and eventually fled in horror.

They never bothered him again.

Anyone on my Friends List have any similarly unique ways of getting rid of them when they're at their annoying best? I just want to hear some.

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Tell them you have an altar to Satan in your basement,and that if they'll just give you a lock of their hair, you'll pray for them.

That's the most creative solution I have ever heard of--and if they're dumb enough to believe I have a basement, they would deserve it. :D

I probably wouldn't actually try that one unless I was living on my own--and then, just to mess with their minds.

I usually say "Get the hell off my property. Don't say another word. Just get the hell off my property before I call the police and report you for trespassing."

Then I slam the door in their face.

And that's when I'm in a *good* mood to start with. When I'm already in a bad mood, I usually say something along the lines of "If you don't get the fuck out of my face immediately, I'm going to rip your guts out and use them for guitar strings."

Do you get the idea I don't like proselytizers much? Yeah.

Actually that was my mother's method and funny enough... It didn't faze them, they kept right on trucking. I thought they have seminars based on these events. Like a trial run before going out in the world.

A college friend's grandmother would say, "Salute my flag or get off my porch." (Which, of course, requires having a flag on the porch.)

Jehovah's Witnesses can't swear allegiance to countries or flags, so that's a good one.

We don't have one on our porch, but a neighbor does. That might work. Of course, "Salute the flag across the street and to the right, or get off my porch!" probably doesn't have the same impact.

I had never heard that about them being unable to swear allegiance before. Weird.

I used to have a huge big black lab that wouldn't hurt a flea but if you didn't know him he was awfully scary. I politely told them to go away, when they didn't I called my dog and opened the door. He ran after them (actually to lick them to death but again what they don't know) and I never saw them again.

Nakedness works. As does politely informing them that the voices are getting louder and you won't be able to answer for the consequences if Baal-Shamroth (or Cthulhu, or whoever) comes up ouit of the furnace again. ^_^

I had a roommate...well, an evil one who was arrested and caused a bunch of issues, but whatever...who was really funny the only time we had a group of Jehovah's Witnesses come to the door.

She was an English major with a geology minor and was very scientific. Also, reading all of those books made her have a wide knowledge of theology and religions.

When the two men started talking and sharing thoughts to her, she would smile really broadly and say, "That's interesting. Although according to _______________________, this belief is basically the same."

They would calmly try to turn her away from that, but she just kept going. "In a round-about-way, ____________________ is exactly like _______________, which is really part of this really obscure religion. Do you know anything about that?"

When they'd look at me, I'd just do the dumb smile-and-nod.

Eventually, they left. Sure, they left a book behind, but they never came back to retrieve it. Huh.

Hope to have some fun with your guests! LOL

Mandylynn

My dad used to answer the door in his underwear. And then swear a lot.

When my brother and I were kids, if we'd see them coming up the street we'd cue up the record player (yes record player!) with Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil." That was pretty effective.

My brother once had JW's come by. They knocked, and he yelled 'Come in!' like he always does. He was DDRing at the time.

And they came in. He glanced over, and continued what he was doing.

JW: Uh, may we speak with you about God?

Brother: Sure, but you'll have to do it while I DANCE!

Which they proceeded to do, but after a few moments of his random cursing at missing a step, and his sweaty, shirtless body bouncing around and ignoring them, they excused themselves.

A friend of ours once let them in so they could "do their thing" and then said she still wasn't interested. I don't think they ever came back either.

I have a friend who lives down south. They don't really like it when you stick a shotgun out the front door. Needless to say my friend gives new meaning to the term redneck.

A freind of mine once handed them a copy of the Book of the Dead and said "You can tell me about your religeon if I can tell you about mine".

As they ran off she yelled "Wait, don't you want to accept Shu-Heru as your personal lord and saviour?"

She says if they ever come back, she's doing the same thing with Goblet of Fire, or maybe The Book of Nod.

Me, I've got a (fake) copy of the Necromonicon....

*Nearly dies laughing*

I'm also getting an image of her pretending to go get the chainsaw--like in the Evil Dead movies.

That would get to anyone.

Tell them You're from the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints and that you're thankful god would give you the chance to lead them from their false religion... *grins* For mormons...well...Watch the Beginning of Orgazmo...It's awesome

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Knocking At The Door

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